One more testimony

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I really never get tired of these :-).  Enjoy!

I was born into a “Christian” family. i went to church as a kid, I sang all the songs, memorized all the verses, but I was a C.I.N.O.(Christian in name only). I was like this all the way through my elementary years. By the time i was in sixth grade i finally got sick of never feeling genuine and feeling empty. I started feeling like the reason I felt this way was because I wasn’t good enough. I knew I wasn’t perfect, but I felt like I was worse than normal, and for some reason when Jesus died he wasn’t dying for me. I had this internal pain that would not come out no matter how much I screamed or cried. My pillows would be soaked from crying my self to sleep every night. I turned to cutting, and I had thoughts of suicide on my mind all the time. I cut nearly every day and made three suicide attempts within three years. Fortunately, they all failed. I felt so alone and empty and worthless. No body knew because I was so good at hiding it. Finally, I cracked, I told my best friend about all that had happened and was happening. He sat there and cried and told me that he cared and that if i were to die he wouldn’t know what to do. That was my flicker of hope. he helped me through everything, and i eventually started telling more people. They all told me how important I was to them. Then finally one day one of my friends prayed for me and her words rang in my ears. That was when it hit me, Jesus died on the cross for me, He was thinking about me and my life when he died, He wanted me and he was looking for me. That night I rededicated my life to Christ. I still struggle with depression, but now I don’t have to fight it myself, God is there and he is my strength. I know I’ll have my struggles but without sorrow there can be no joy.

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